Reinvention

I got to thinking today after all of our lectures and various discussions, and like Mischa said would happen, a little *pting* went off in my brain at a very odd moment, and a connection was made.
There is a bit of a story here. When I was roughly six years old, I was lead to believe that I was a horrible human being. In hindsight, I was a typical six year old who did not want to eat veggies, threw tantrums when she did not get something she thought she could not live without, and basically had the same amount of energy I have these days, just a lot less contained. I am the youngest child of two, and me and my sister did not have a great time growing up, to put it in mild terms. So when you are six, and you are told that nobody is going to like you if you keep behaving as you are, it sends you into a depression that only a six year old knows. To be so young and so fragile and have such negativity to contend with everyday made me do the only thing I knew how to do.
I reinvented myself.
I literally began to walk around and tell people that the "old Lizzy" had gone, and that the "new and improved Lizzy" was now among them. This was a Lizzy who if told to go to bed early, fought the urge to fight back, and instead went. She tried veggies (but to this day can not eat rice a ronni...ask her about that story one day if you'd like) and every time she began to fuss, those around her asked "Is that something the New Lizzy would do, or the old Lizzy" She had, indeed, become her own worst enemy, she had aspired to a new level, and had succeeded in going to that new length. It was hard and that six year old me surely still threw the occasional temper tantrum and picked on her sister (who is five years her senior), but she was no longer herself as she knew her. I was no longer the me that I had been. It was a process and a product. ... you can almost see where this is going...but not quite....

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/medium

me⋅di⋅um

  /ˈmidiəm/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [mee-dee-uhm] Show IPA noun, plural -di⋅a  /-diə/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [-dee-uh] Show IPA for 1–9, 11, -di⋅ums for 1–11, 14, adjective

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–noun

1.	a middle state or condition; mean.

2.	something intermediate in nature or degree.

3.	an intervening substance, as air, through wh ich a force acts or an effect is produced.

4.	the element that is the natural habitat of a n organism.

5.	surrounding objects, conditions, or influences; environment.

6.	an intervening agency, means, or instrument by which something is conveyed or accomplished: Words are a medium of expression.

7.	one of the means or channels of general communication, information, or entertainment in society, as newspapers, radio, or television.

8.	Biology. the substance in which specimens ar e displayed or preserved.

9.	Also called culture medium. Bacteriology. a liquid or solidified nutrient material suitable for the cultivation of microorganisms.

10.	a person through whom the spirits of the dead are alleged to be able to contact the living.

11.	Fine Arts. a. Painting. a liquid with which pigments are mixed. b. the material or technique with which a n artist works: the medium of watercolor.

12.	a size of printing paper, 18 1/2 × 23 1/2 in. (47 × 60 cm) in England, 18 × 23 to 19 × 25 in. (46 × 58 to 48 × 64 cm) in America.

13.	Chiefly British. a size of drawing or writing paper, 17 1/2 × 22 in. (44 × 56 cm).

14.	Also called medium strip. Midland U.S. median strip.

15.	in medium, Movies, Television. with the principal actors in the middle distance: The scene was shot in medium.

–adjective

16.	about halfway between extremes, as of degree, amount, quality, position, or size: Cook over medium heat. He is of medium height.

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Origin:
1575–85; < class="ital-inline">medius middle. See mid ¹

Synonyms:
16. average, mean, middling.

Usage note:
7. See media ¹ .

Yes, the most basic definitions of medium. As an artist/performer/practitioner, I decided that in my definiation I would strip away the word theatre completely and just think about the practitioner/performer.
Going back to my little story at the beginning: the practitioner/performer is the medium through which theatre speaks, and is an ever evolving, ever changing device.
I am on an evolutionary road, my person is not the same from day to day, but I am a tool, a device, an object, a mind and a mean for transport of thought, emotion, agenda, and art.

That's really all I want to say. If I try to explain any further, I'll muddle it all up.

As part of my evolutionary process, I want to beco me more open about myself as an artist. Which for me as a visual artist, is something that is extremely hard for me to do for various reasons.

http://deathslight.deviantart.com/

A taste of my artwork, if you are interested.