Developing the next Step

Reflecting on and working on my paper has been anything but pleasant. I keep getting distracted by that little monster known only as procrastination and probably fear. I have this horrible dread feeling that I am going to fail this somehow, even though I am confident that I have done all of the work that goes into the SIP part of this project. I'm just afraid of writing now, because I feel like I haven't gotten it correct once this year, and I'm not sure why. I've been able to reflect a lot and it troubles me that at points this year, I had no idea what I wanted to do. I wanted to be a creator, I wanted to be a designer and a performer and I wanted to learn so that I could bring it all back with me and start, really start the company that I had tried to begin the year before. And now I have two companies, and some of my confidence back again. Midsummer was draining, trying to wear too many hats. I should have not acted, as much as I loved it, I couldn't commit to it fully. In a smaller production, I think that would have been all right, but for the scale and the amount of elements configured to make Midsummer, it was all a bit too much.
The next step.
Emma and I are going to get together once this paper is done and turned in. We plan to start envision what is next for the company, such as a board of directors, so that the work load is evenly distributed across several other people. Then we hope to do staged readings of plays our friends have written.
I have a project I would like my puppet company to do, but I haven't had much time to put thought into it. It is going to be the story of my grandmother, I think, and that will help me come to terms with moving away from her, and leveling the amount of guilt I feel for having gone so far away.
Heavy post. Maybe next time it will be a bit better.
Going to keep pushing myself to post. I suck at it, but I am really trying to improve.